Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Test: Are you a Seasoned Mom or a New Mom?

No one can deny there is a certain “Groundhog Day’esque” quality to a mom's day.  On one hand, we have the peace that comes from having structure and knowing that no matter how badly we screw up today, it will be OK because we will be doing it all over again tomorrow.  On the other hand, there’s the mind-numbing realization that you will, in fact, be doing it all over again tomorrow.
As our children age and we become more experienced moms the monotony ebbs a bit. The kids are able to pitch-in with daily meal making and emptying out those bottomless laundry baskets. I also have a better understanding of what they can and should do, making my expectations more reasonable. I no longer think twice about the things that threatened to sever the thin thread of sanity I clung to as a young mother. Of course, these things are replaced by equally if not more annoying things. However, as a mom with a few years of experience under her low-waist-jeans-cinching belt I feel more capable of handling these challenges.  

For example, I don’t get quite so angry when my youngest son leaves the front door open because I now understand it is less likely he is completely deaf and didn’t hear me tell him 267 times to close the door, and more likely because he is 8. Conversely, I now get angrier when my oldest says something unkind to his brother because at almost 11, he understand the power of his words.  That, my friends, is the product of years of mothering experience.

There are lots of ways to distinguish a Seasoned Mom from a New Mom. In fact, psychologists and sociologists should conduct a study to determine the experience level of a mother based on her answers to a few questions. I am certainly not a trained professional, but I think the test might look something like this…
Are you an Seasoned Mom or a New Mom?
Phase 1: Rorschach Ink Blot Test
Please state the first that comes to mind when you see the following images:
2 children fighting over the same toy neither of them
had any interest in 10 minutes ago.

Child who has not showered in God knows how many days.

2 weeks worth of laundry sitting in the basket waiting to be folded.

Science project on the Migration Patterns of Monarch Butterflies 
which took 13 hours to complete and only 30 seconds to leave on the kitchen table
the day it was due.
Beautiful, happy butterfly

Strawberry Margarita!

Conclusion: Answer #5 indicative of New Mom. All other answers evidence of Seasoned Mom.

Phase 2: Rank the following phrases from 1-10 based on frequency
(1 being most frequent, 10 being least frequent)

1.       Can I watch something?

2.       I’m hungry.

3.    Can I have a snack?

4.       Can I watch something?

5.       I can’t find my (fill in any item on the planet)

6.       He touched me.

7.       Can I watch something?

8.       Can I play my iTouch/iPad/DS/xbox/computer?

9.       What’s for dinner?

10.   I love you and want to hug you all day.

Conclusion: Ranking indicates Seasoned Mom


Phase 3: How would you respond to the following phrase: “Mom, watch!”

1.       Wow, that’s amazing!

2.       I’m so proud of how hard you worked!

3.       Be careful!

4.       I don’t feel comfortable with you doing that.

5.       Don’t kill yourselves, I don’t have time to take you to the emergency room today.

6.     How is this different from the other 27 times you did that?

7.       I have to watch, it’s the law.

8.       If I have tell you NOT to do that one more time you’re going to be sorry!

9.       Do it again so I can post it on Instagram, Facebook, Google+ and then Tweet it!

10. *non-committal sound* Hmmm…

Conclusion: Answers 1-4: Indicative of New Mom; Answers 5-10: Indicative of Seasoned Mom
Note: #9 indicates both New and Seasoned Mom as well as the sub-category : “Mom under the impression everyone will think her child is as amazing as she thinks he/she is.”


Final Results:  
Based on the data collected through the highly technical "Are you a Seasoned Mom or a New Mom" test we conclude that Seasoned Moms have an excellent sense of humor and it is this sense of humor which allowed the New Mom to remain sane so she could one day become a Seasoned Mom.

How did you score?
I'm definitely a Seasoned Mom.
That’s just my normal.
All Ink Blot photos from



Kathy Radigan said...

This is great!!! I find myself saying a lot of #5 and #9 answers to the Watch me request!! Lol! Perfect!

Lisa Newlin said...

This is brilliant! I'm not even a mom and I find these hilarious...especially the strawberry margarita one. I'm sharing this on Facebook!

Momma O said...

Love this! In the "Mom Watch" category, I find myself alternating between #8 and #10 lately. Thanks for the laughs! I enjoyed this and am sharing away!!!

Tarana Khan said...

I'm still a new mom, I guess! This is such an awesome test :)

qwertygirl said...

For Phase 2, phrases 1-9 are a tie for #1. Phrase 10 is #15. There are no #2-14. At least, in my house! Thanks for the laugh.

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