Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I am the worst salesperson... ever.

It goes without saying that in order to promote your blog, you have to be able to, well, promote your blog.  You have to subtly place it conversations... "You have a naughty dog? I have a naughty dog too.  I once wrote the story ON MY BLOG about the time he locked himself in the pantry. Oh and you'd will laugh if you read MY BLOG POST about the time he set fire to our fence with the BBQ."

That was subtle, right?

You can also promote your blog on Social Media platforms such as Facebook.  A little status here, a link there.  "New post up on the blog! Check it out!"

And there's always the Direct Marketing approach.  One could "accidentally" drop her blog business card in the bathroom in Costco or nonchalantly hang one up on the Community Events bulletin board in Starbucks.  Win a free lunch by dropping your business card in the fishbowl at Chipotle? I just happen to have 25 cards with me now! How convenient!

The problem for me, however, is that I am not in sales.  More importantly, I am not in sales for a very specific reason. I am the worst salesperson ever in the history of salespeople.

Don't believe me? Check this out: Last December I had the honor of being one of 50 contributors in an anthology called The HerStories Project.  When I heard the news I called my mom and dad immediately and pretty much screamed my head off. 

Everyone else I know got this award winning sales pitch, "So, I'm in this book that's coming out. I'm only one person though and there's like 50 others so it's not like it's a big deal or anything.  You can buy it if you want.  You don't have to. But you can. If you want. But don't have to. So what's new with you?"

There is absolutely no CLIO award in my future. 

But you know what? That's ok because in spite of my pitiful sales pitching and less than stellar marketing skills (which is ironic considering I work in social media marketing) I won an award anyway! That's right, my little blog won the Blog Tour "Award!" 

I met Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense in the Baltimore Airport. I kid you not.  I met her in the airport when another blogger I met in the Baltimore Airport approximately 2 hours prior and I were walking toward the exit to find a cab. I can say without a doubt that within 6 minutes of meeting Kristen, I was pretty sure we were sisters from another mister.  We clearly speak the same language: sarcasm and authenticity.

Kristen was kind enough to award me the "Blog Tour Award" earlier this week. She too was a recipient and loved the opportunity to flaunt her narcissistic side.  As proven by my pathetic attempt to gently suggest that people buy the book I'm in- but only if they want to- I am not quite so narcissistic and so I appreciate the fact that all I am required to do is answer a few questions. 

So here it goes...

1. WHAT AM I WORKING ON? Because what I write is typically what I experience, I am pretty much always working on a lot of things.  My kids do stupid stuff all the time so there is rarely a lack of material 'round these parts.  Specifically, however, I have been working on a piece that is a bit more serious and addresses some of the issues going on in raising strong girls and respectful boys.  I'm sure it's going to piss a few people off so I'm still working on it and trying to grow a thick layer of skin before I turn it loose.  I'm also working on a funny silly piece that will go nicely with the pathetically thin skin I currently wear.

2. HOW DOES MY WORK DIFFER FROM OTHERS OF ITS GENRE?  Truthfully, it doesn't.  I think that's what makes blogging so great.  The ups, downs and in-betweens of motherhood are universal.  The things that cause full belly laughs in my house, as well as the things that make we want to shake my fists at my husband and scream, "This whole kid thing was YOUR idea!" are the same things that insight the same feelings for moms everywhere.  My work isn't different because the experiences of motherhood are NORMAL.

3. HOW DO I WRITE/CREATE WHAT I DO? In the Notes on my iPhone, on post-it notes, receipts and more often than I should admit publicly...the sermon notes from church.  Not kidding.  Every piece of sermon notes is littered with blog ideas, quotes and one-liners.  Obviously everything I write is blessed- that's why it's so incredible.

4. HOW DOES MY WRITING/CREATIVE PROCESS WORK? It might sound silly, but I won't write a thing until I have a title.  My posts are all about my title.  Example:
 "What I'm Doing to Ensure I Don't Eat My Young This Summer." And who could forget this one: "Spike's an as#@!*e". Once I've got a title, I pray it's Sunday so I have sermon notes nearby and I begin jotting down one-liners and random sentences I want to use. Oddly enough, the rest is written in my head.  It tumbles around in there for a few days or weeks, more Target receipts and post-it notes are scribbled upon and then it all comes together when... I take a shower.  Yes, the final piece is written in my head, in the shower.  (I really need to ask for a waterproof iPad cover for Christmas.) Finally, I sit down and type.  And delete. And type again.  And I should probably delete again at that point because Lord knows I'm in desperate need of some editing help.  But eventually I just get tired, attempt to schedule the post which never works because blogger hates me, and go to bed.  Then I wake up at some ridiculous hour that it's early enough for my East Coast readers but not too early for my West Coast readers and actually click "post" because I did not figure out the scheduler the previous night because as mentioned, Blogger hates me.

So that's pretty much it.  I hope I did an ok job selling myself.  Wait, selling my blogging self, that is.  I hope you enjoyed it.  You can follow all those little links I added.  Or not.  It's cool.  No pressure.  Never mind.  Don't worry about it.

I will, however, sell some other ladies and a gentlemen to you!

~Stephanie over at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion absolutely kills me! Talk about authenticity.  You couldn't make up half the stuff she writes about no matter how good of a writer you are.

~The hysterical Lipstick, Margaritas and Hairspray is run by the fabulous Sasha. She shares the "observations of a redneck, barefoot, rum and tequila drinking southern belle" and no one could do it better.

~I've only recently gotten to know Mike over at Papa Does Preach but in the short time I've known him I have learned 4 things: 1. Mike is funny.  Really really funny.  2. Mike has guts.  He was the only man to attend BlogU with over 200 women.  3. Mike is brilliant.  He was the only man to attend BlogU with over 200 women.  4. Mike's wife is awesome to give him the thumbs up to attend BlogU with over 200 women.

I suck at selling stuff.  Even myself.
That's just my normal.

One last pathetic attempt to sell myself: I recently found out I was accepted as a contributor in the second HerStories Project book entitled My Other Ex: Women's True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. It will be out in September.  You can buy it.  Or not.  No pressure.


WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion said...

You are the bee's knees--thank you for your kind words! I've beat ya to the punch, though:

Congrats on the book success! I have the first, and I'll be getting the second in September! PS Your "new" design looks FABULOUS!

Mike Cruse from PapaDoesPreach said...

I am humbled and honored...thank you so much

qwertygirl said...

You are not alone. Blogger hates me too. I schedule my posts and then they don't post. And then I go in and look three minutes after it was supposed to post, and post it myself. Either Blogger hates us both, or their scheduler doesn't work. I'll be posting on this blog tour too shortly. Stacey at OneFunnyMotha tagged me. Check her out--she's awesome (clearly I also suck at sales, since I didn't say a word about my own blog. *sigh* Someday I'll figure out self promotion. Maybe). said...

Thank you so very much!! I try to sell myself, but then I have to work the returns desk and that never works out too well for me!

Cheers and Margaritas my friend!!

Yolanda Gray said...

I love your writing. You do write about universal issues, but only in the unique way that you put it out there. I especially love your Spike posts. Not too long ago I heard a sales guy (yeah, a real one) say that we just need to put it out there--if it doesn't repel some folks, it isn't worth the material. The RIGHT ones will read and share and then you will win awards (more) and be in books (more). I remember your DAY've come a long, long way from there.

in pursuit said...

Crazy, See what happens when I fall a few days behind on my blog reading?? Thanks for buying the book- glad to know someone other than my mom bought it. Haha!

in pursuit said...

Mike, I love Dad Bloggers. It's so important that your voice is heard in the parenthood conversations. And the fact that you're from San Diego in no way influenced my opinion. At all. I swear. ;)

in pursuit said...

OneFunnyMotha??Absolutely LOVE her! That's so awesome that she tagged you! Glad to know it isn't me that sucks, but blogger that sucks. The scheduler thing used to work. Then it got lame. Stupid technology!!
Thanks for dropping by and I am going to stalk you until I figure out your blog...;)

in pursuit said...

Sasha you are killing me! The "returns desk" bwahaha! Leave it to you to make the best joke of the day!! I am endlessly grateful for your advice, encouragement and pimping;)

in pursuit said...

Mama Yo you are the BEST! I'm pretty darn blessed with an encouraging mom already but to have 2 who build me up is something special for sure!! You'll be happy to know there is a Spike post in the works... It even has video!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me laugh at all of us who hate selling anything that benefits us!

in pursuit said...

I knew you'd relate;)

Post a Comment